COLLISION

i would go to the garage
then i’d see my brother and his friends take a couple shots
play some n64, smash bros with the bots
looking back like damn i miss it a lot
when i see 2 liter squirts
and some pot
with the blunt wraps on the round table
looking back, shit seemed like a fable
now i’m the one telling stories cause i’m able to
and my friends even know about it too
like back then when we would chill after school
and head to hidden and find somebodys tool
head to thortons to buy a slushee foo
around then, i began to grew
new to all this shit, more than i knew
didn’t think i would make it to year 22

back in 2017
not even a teen
i was still 12
nowhere near a feen
unless it was for the music
grinding everyday cause i knew id do it
now somebody call cupid
cause i’m stupid for the beats
garageband on my phone in the summer heat
doing push ups in the middle of the street
always had converse on my fucking feet
when i reverse, all this shits weird to me
like how am i the same person back in 17
didn’t touch green
still have the same posture
shout out to my spleen

holding out for you
trying get to you
even when it’s blue
the stars will show us two (x2)

and when it’s dark
don’t you worry
i’ll be parked
on your doorstep
waiting for you
to wait for me
the one i want
heart on my sleeve (x2)

i wanna know whatcha listening to
wanna be the one you come to when you’re blue
you keep me lukewarm when i need you the most
come right through like a spooky ghost
through the wall, voice calls
i need to be with you at all costs
before you, i was lost
now my life is frozen on pause
and im

holding out for you
trying get to you
even when it’s blue
the stars will show us through (x2)

and i’m just talking bout the way i feel
and i don’t care how you feel cause i’m just being real
and i feel a bit bad that we stopped talking
but at this point, there’s nothing im longing for
all of those cares went out the fucking door
when you started talking about secrets i had stored
and you didn’t bring it up to me first
so cutting you off felt weird and it hurt
but in the long run i’m feeling better now

all the those cares i had, dead in hearse
you dragged me and put me through the worst
i sacrificed my shit to make this shit work
and looking back, it’s hard to believe
that i put up with that all shit till i was 15
and i wanna call you a bitch cause i trusted you with this
but i still reminisce when we were barely kids
and everything was just so innocent

and we were at hidden
pushing on the swings
talking about our feelings
and our own dreams
and i’m here now
without you here
saying fuck the past
wishing it disappeared (x2)

i felt no privacy
i felt like i couldn’t keep any bit to me
and you would find out from someone else
then go talk to me and make me hate myself
and every time you did it never really helped
you could’ve been responsible and let me live
i need my own space just to breathe
cause you would push me in when i would swim
deeper in my feelings, shit was grim

i wanna say it’s fine but it isnt
i wanna say it’s fine but it isnt
i wanna say it’s fine but it isnt
and i hate that i’m still tripping over it

walk to harold washington
fuck around in the library and
do that same shit again
way before you were mine and
i thought of you as a friend
that i had a crush on and
no way this can end
you give me a sugar rush and

we were on the orange line
winter time coming in and
i told you that i was fine
freezing while holding your hand
walking through downtown
hot chocolates, cold slush
no one else around
nobody but us

i felt lucky then
since my s.o. so pretty and
even now and back then
youre there when i felt shitty
you’re a 10 out of 10
11 if we’re going off the scale
i’d paint my nails
your favorite color since
you know i love you
never in the past tense
cause as long as we’re together
we’ll forever be bestfriends

cold breeze hitting my face
eye sight blurry, no way
sat next to me, cta
then we go head to your place
winter chilling, all nice
orange led lights
wear your clothes from depop
listen to indie pop rock

2 0 1 9
we were spending time together during
2 0 1 9
after school, over lunch, we were flirty
you were my sun, my green tea, my everything, and maybe
you’re the one that i need, that i want, that i think of, baby

you were barely growing into your feet
so seeing you lay down left me feeling in defeat
because the doctor said you still had a consistent heartbeat
but you didn’t have the spirit to push on and that’s okay
i just hope that today wasn’t the worst of your days
and everything after that would always go your way
cause you were the best pet i ever could’ve asked for
it sucked at the vet when i was there waiting for
you to wake up and hopefully feel better
i was in the waiting room sinking in my sweater
carrying you in that orange blanket had me in tears
cause i was living through one of biggest fears
i never really dealt with death before but now i know
i wish i had the perfect words before you had to go
waiting for those five hours and you were just laying there
you had a cone on your head so you couldn’t lick your hair
you weren’t bugging me in the same way like you used to
but i kept reassuring you that you were a good boy
i wish i could’ve done something sooner but i don’t even know
it hurt seeing you limp and drop to the floor
thinking it was cold so we brought you in our doors
it was sunday when all this happened
but i’m happy that i got to know you while it lasted
and for you to be taken away in five seconds is scary
but know that i’ll always carry the name and paw of jelly
cause you knew what’s up and i thought you were so cool
seeing you jump around and drop my stuff too
then you just laid down and started to drool
i didn’t know what to do, i felt so bad at heart
wish i was there for you, from the very start

it’s been a week now and you’re still gone
my mom even took out your house from the front lawn
i’ve been going through my days on the edge of tears
i really expected to have you for a couple years
but at the end of the day, you were a stray
but you’re the best thing that could’ve came my way
i’ll forever miss you laying on my chair in the garage
reminiscing on past few months like a collage
and when i was lost, you were a beacon of light
chilling with each other on cold summer nights
introduced you to my family, my friends and my s.o.
i didn’t know it would already be your time to go
but all the memories you left me, ima cherish
even then, that one sunday was so nightmarish
it left my heart shattered into pieces
but i’ll hope you’ll somehow hear this when it releases

Ayo fuck you and you and you too
Cause these foos, they be dudes like who is you, can’t you tell?
You done fell on the rail, hitting sales like its zales
Getting spells, dirty hoes touch they nails
Fuck you, cant you tell, yes, its fuck you
I can bails out the jails making sales just like zails
Uh uh
Keepin my girl on no side
She the main till she die
I’m that guy uh
Bust that nut yo eye

And it’s fuck you
I don’t even trust you
I don’t really like you
You ain’t one of my dudes
You is not in the crew
So it’s always fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you

Getting teased ever since 05
Always found it funny when i play my shit online
But now i’m getting numbers that you never believed
Making fun of my posture and my yellow teeth
Hope you aren’t surprised, cause my songs been decent, uh
Forever making catchy shit, never in season, uh
I’m fresh as fuck, living life, just breezin, uh
And i’ve been feeling super great, at least as of recent, uh

Chillin on a saturday with my little bros
Stop by golo for a couple prerolls
Bout to smoke this joint until I see this light
Get the message like "yo, what you on tonight?"

Dress my best, got my favorite nikes on
Green jacket looking like I just mowed the lawn
Now im waiting in the alley to get picked up
Dap up with my friends and i’m like "ayo whats up"

Hopped in eddie’s lexus, now we on our way
Meet up with mando, danny and jose
We got scooter, terry, isaac, and more
But can’t cop any drinks from the liquor store

So we’re stealing from our parents drinking cabinets
and we didn’t give a fuck, its a bad habit
But we’re just tryna have a good time
Freestyling with my friends some dumb ass rhymes

And im with my crew
Watching some tv, that’s what we do
And im with my crew
Number one rule, dont bring a tool
And im with my crew
Lighting up a blunt in about a few
And im with my crew
Yeah im with my crew (x2)

They’re taking shots with a slice of lime
I had to do it cause it’s for the one times
Now i’m feeling a bit woozy and tipsy
Took the fattest rip out my green stizzy

You know I had the bong in my jansport
So I pulled it out and went on forth
When I smoked some bomb shit like it’s the fourth
Shit’s so illegal, I could be in court but i’m not

Hot box the spot with some pot
Now my friend’s talking about taking some more shots again
I’m just waiting till this whole party can end
But ima still need the ride home

I’m feeling tired and fucked up and so out of it
But jose just matched up with a whole another zip
So we’re crowded up, grouped up with the clique
didn’t say anything cause i didn’t wanna be a dick

Posted up in the living room, resting on my cheek
And i feel like imma puke, and i really gotta pee
Heading to the bathroom and my feet so weak
Im about to knock out and head to sleep

And im with my crew
Watching some tv, that’s what we do
And im with my crew
Number one rule, dont bring a tool
And im with my crew
Lighting up a blunt in a bit, in a few
And im with my crew
Yeah im with my crew (x2)

Chilling on the couch at the afterparty
All my friends fucked up on Bacardi
Im just trying get home by tonight
But they’re talking bout "why dont we dip around 5"
So Im staying over watching some friday on the tv
Rolling and Im smoking with ice cube and smokey
Lowkey, my friends talking bout bumps on the keys
And if you know me, then you know thats not me

Never touching pills for the thrills, not about it
Always feeling chill, advil when I’m hurting
Got the dope to cope when I’m feeling it
But ill never touch powder for a fucking chin lift
I rather write it down, blow some clouds, talk about it
Write some scripts, do some shit, make a couple skits
ain’t about that party life, i’m just here for a bit
and if you pass the cup, i’m not gonna take a sip

I rather be chilling at home
But I didn’t wanna my spend time alone
So I’m out with my friends at another house
Waiting till we can start to head out (x2)

After party, feeling hardy
Homies fucked up on the carti
Now we start it up
Hit the dandruff, nah I fart it up
Smoke that gas, not the funky gunk
Chilling with the homies, man, they turnt it up
Ready to smoke that blunt, with that pack of runts
Mile high club, no dubs, straight bud
No suds in my cup
Out the club, after party and yeah we hang
Its alright, higher than a kite
Stroll with me to the light
We gon make it out alright, by tonight

(biighead2 rambling)

always feel like i’m making bad decisions
but it’s my own life and i have my own vision
spent the past few years tryna find myself
2020 was the lowest point for my mental health
but during those times i started to find out who
i wanted to grow up to be when i’m out of school
and i lost friends along the way but it is what it is
and i can’t help but wonder what they would’ve thought of this

the dream started back in sixth grade
i was writing down my feelings since a very young age
because i really never felt like i fit in
i was getting called the whitest mexican
i couldn’t speak spanish and i was a bit different
my family poking fun at me, guilt tripping
but i guess that’s part of growing up
now im here and i don’t give a fuck

i dropped FORYOU, bomb and 4u demos
back on sound cloud, recorded voice memos
cause i had ideas in the back of the trunk
my friends talking about "what if this flunks?"
but i didn’t listen cause that shit don’t matter to me
handing out my spotify like i’m the phamarcy
cause my music is my medicine
and it’ll always bring me back again

it helped me cope when i lost jelly at the vet
or when i had to lost friends from my set
always on the edge, scared of what’s next
holding on that ledge, on my last breath
i guess it’s part of growing up, what i tell myself
always bottled up whatever i felt
i’m a new me in a new place
but i can’t help but stay in this headspace

i’m still a teen growing up
and i don’t wanna feel stuck again
i’m still a teen growing up
and i don’t wanna feel stuck again, stuck again
i’m still a teen growing up
and i don’t wanna feel stuck again
i’m still a teen growing up
and i don’t wanna feel stuck again, stuck again